Trump’s undead connection

Before I start, I just want to say that this article will not be taking any political stance. This is an article about the facts as they have presented themselves to me and my unbiased interpretation of them. What first started me down this path was a New York Times article from March 16, 2017 by Adam Liptak entitled “Campaign Pledges Haunt Trump in Court.” I couldn’t tell you what this article is about but the title alone led me to my greatest discovery yet: Donald Trump is being haunted, and suddenly the world is starting to make a lot more sense. Think about it. Trump has made claims that millions of deceased people voted illegally in this election and has not produced any evidence of support. Of course he doesn’t have any evidence; he can’t just say that he saw millions of ghosts and ghouls voting on election day even though it is obvious now that he did. Even with Trump obviously seeing some ghosts vote, millions of deceased people voted illegally in this election and has not produced any evidence of support. Of course he doesn’t have any evidence, he can’t just say that he saw millions of ghosts and ghouls voting on election day even though it is obvious now that he did. Even with Trump obviously seeing some ghosts vote, millions of ghosts are a lot of ghosts to be haunting one person.

So, perhaps Donald Trump has been haunted for so long that he now has issues telling the difference between who is alive and who is the living dead. But that doesn’t make too much sense, I mean we have all seen the 2008 Ricky Gervais motion picture “Ghost Town”, where Ricky Gervais is able to interact with ghosts. In it, Ricky Gervais figured out how to tell the difference between the alive and the dead fairly quickly, so most likely Donald Trump would be able to as well.

We have figured out that Donald Trump cannot be haunted because it doesn’t make sense with his voter fraud claims, so it must be something else. Donald Trump is a ghost. I know, it’s insane, but is it? It would explain so much more than Trump being haunted ever could. Being a ghost, Trump would be able to see every single ghost that rocked the vote instead of only a few haunting ghosts, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. Why are Melania and Baron Trump living in New York while Donald is in office, costing the federal government approximately one million dollars per day on security? It seems like a costly decision that doesn’t make sense, until you realize that they are terrified by the specter that is the Donald. And can you blame them? No child should be raised by a ghost or near any ghosts, it just isn’t safe.

Each and every day, more evidence comes out supporting the theory that Donald Trump is a being from the spectral plane trapped on our world. There is a video trending of Donald Trump and Angela Merkel, Chancellor of Germany, taking pictures together and when Angela Merkel asked Mr. Trump to take a few pictures of them shaking hands, he plain ignores her. When viewing the video one is forced to ask “Why wouldn’t he shake hands with her? He obviously heard her, she is literally standing next to him, so why would he just play dumb? Is he really that petty and rude? What does he have to lose by shaking hands with her?” And seemingly, nothing, unless he can’t shake her hand. If he attempted to shake hands with Angela Merkel, she would have gone right through him, most likely been covered in slime, and would’ve revealed that he does not belong among the living. Speaking of slime, and this is inconsequential evidence, but he kind of looks like Slimer (aka Onionhead) from Ghostbusters and that’s something.

But he can touch people, he made clear to Billy Bush in 2005 that he enjoys grabbing women, but that just means he died after 2005. But there has to be video of him touching someone. There is, and it also explains a good bit. There are many videos of Donald Trump touching Ivanka Trump, most notably after her speech introducing him at the 2016 GOP convention where he lightly hugs her, kisses her on the cheek, and puts his hands on her hips. It seems obvious now that Ivanka Trump is the Whoopie Goldberg to his Patrick Swayze, which is to say that she is the only one that can interact and touch him. This explains his insistence that if Ivanka wasn’t his daughter then he would date her and all the other things he says about her that traditionally would be creepy for a father to say about his daughter, it is only because she is literally the only person he can physically interact with.

Now that we have logically confirmed that Donald Trump is an apparition cursed to walk our mortal coil, there are a few things we need cleared up from Trump himself. First off Donald, what is your unfinished business? Seemingly, it must have to do with either Obama, Putin, or Mexico. Donald, if you let everyone know what your unfinished business is then we can help you, help us help you so that you can finally move on. My next question is when and, more importantly, where did Trump die? These are things that need to be cleared up because if the leader of America is a ghost, then they should have died on American soil and the people deserve to know if their president died on a trip to, say, Africa, because that’s not a president I could trust.

This is why I am demanding Donald J. Trump release his death certificate. If he has nothing to hide he will release his death certificate without any hassle. Please contact me if you know how to make a petition on change.org or a site like that because I don’t know how to, and together we can make the clowns in Washington a little less spooky.